Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
