I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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