Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
