You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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