All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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