he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
