I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
