I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
