i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
