And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Oh god it's open bar.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
