That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We're too hungover to prance.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
