my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
