I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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