It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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