I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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