I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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