Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
