i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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