Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
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i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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