I think my fart just growled at me.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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