you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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