I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.