I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
