Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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