My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
