I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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