2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
