...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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