i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
