help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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