so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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