I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
