We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
