I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
