My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
