i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
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The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
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he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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