i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
