dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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