I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
