Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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