dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
