he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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