I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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