a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
