dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
