I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
