I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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