Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Randomize
