I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
