it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
