he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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