It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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