the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
