stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
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I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.