I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets