i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize