I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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