i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
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We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
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There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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