oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
