I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
