I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
