I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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